Lets get to AAC 101

We are asked to sit in a circle facing out, while others are asked to sit facing us.

We have a few moments to tell the person about us and answer a question Pam gives to us, then it is the other persons turn.

Then the outside circle is asked to move one chair to the right and we start all over again with a new person. It is really a great way for the First Timers to get to know one another

What an Ending to a GREAT AAC Conference

I would like to say I think this was the best conference I think I have attended since the Tennessee AAC Conference. I want to wish everyone a safe journey back to their homes and loved ones.

In the next few days please keep an eye on the blog as I will be posting some of the pictures from the conference. I hope you will come out daily and see if you might just be there. Currently though, I think a good nights rest is in order. It has been a long, wonderful and yet sad day.

Sad, because I had to say goodbye to people which I won't see again until the next National Conference, but I hold high hopes the AAC will have good turnouts at both of the smaller conferences next year. Until I see all of you again, be sure to keep in touch and remember, in the words of Darryl McDaniels "Purpose & Destiny are a part of OUR identity".

Be sure to look for upcoming pictures on the blog

Roberta

What a day at AAC! I spent the whole day in male adoptee workshops. This has grown over the last 8 years from one session with just a handful of male adoptees to 3 sessions with close to 20. And for the first time, there were concurrent female adoptee sessions followed by a joint session for all adoptees.

The sense of brotherhood felt among the men is strong, especially among those who have been attending for many years. This year, at least 10 new male adoptees participated and all were happy to be there, some surprised by the depth of feelings coming up. 

In the first session, we did the traditional fishbowl: half the time, male adoptees discuss our issues with others just listening. Then questions are asked by others in the room, often first parents trying to get a sense of what their sons are going through.

The second session we discussed spirituality in relation to adoption issues. This was initiated last year and proved to be an insightful and provocative session.

The third session is closed. Male adoptees only. Not recorded. Our chance to really let loose. So I can't report any of that!

Then for the first time ever, the joint session with the female adoptees where we compared and contrasted issues. About 75 people attended this and it was great to delve into issues common to both and unique to both.

Between all that and Jean Strauss's amazing film and Zara Phillip's artful film, and the open mic readings, I am feeling amazed by and grateful for all the talented and passionate people in this community. I am also drained and must rest up for the next incredible day. 

We all have a story...what's yours?

Don't we all have a story? Yet, when one is connected to adoption, that story seems to have an even greater importance. It is OUR VERY OWN story. And many of us who have yet to find or are unable to find birth families - that may be all we have. We carry these stories around cupped gingerly in our hearts and hands like a injured bird. When others ask about our connection to adoption, we hold our gift out carefully and hope it will be looked at and listened to with respect, love, and understanding. So many people have offered their stories to me while I have been here and I feel grateful to hear them.

Yesterday, while listening to the raw and very honest Keynote speech of Joe Eszterhas and his daughter, Suzanne Perryman, I noticed two women behind me. They were wrapped in each others' arms, crying and consoling each other. Their bond immediately spoke to me and I felt such love coming from them. Cindy held Sarah tightly while Sarah dabbed her eyes with a tissue. The speech seemed to be hitting them and both were listening to every word with such attention. When Joe Eszterhas said, "This is the daughter who I abandoned, but who will never abandoned me," I felt my heart skip and heard slightly louder sobs come from Sarah. After the speech, I asked the women their relation. Cindy told me she was Sarah's birth mother. They spoke of their recent reunion and a possible reunion with Sarah's birth dad as well as how they have enjoyed getting to know each other in this journey. Their story seemed just beginning.

Stories of people fighting tirelessly for the legislation to get adoptees their original birth certificate. Stories of birth moms coming out to their families about the child they gave up for adoption. Stories of adoptive parents asking - why does my child need to know?

Last night's movie, Adopted, really brought my own story back to me. I'll admit that I was hit hard by Jennifer the adult adoptee in the movie. She was me and I was her and I lost myself in her struggle for validation. Instantly, I connected with her and cried for my own desire to be validated. When Jennifer said, adoptees are chameleons because they don't want to be abandoned again, I related to that in such a deep and painful way. Yet, it was when she explained, if my family would just acknowledge my identity, then I would know they adopted me not an idea that hit me like an emotional train. Sobs poured from me for the first time in years.

What stories have been gifted to you at the conference?

Author signings this weekend

Friday, April 24 – all in the AAC Book Room
10:15 a.m.
Marianne Novy, “Reading Adoption: Family and Difference in Fiction and Drama”
Robert Hafetz, “Not Remembered, Never Forgotten”
Martha Henry, “Adoption in the United States: A reference for families, professionals, and students”

4:30 p.m.
Betsy Keefer Smalley, “Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past”
Anne Bauer, “The Sound of Hope”
Marilyn Lammert, “Once They Hear My Name: Korean Adoptees and Their Journeys Toward Identity”

5 p.m.
Zara Phillips, “Mother Me”
Nicole Burton, “Swimming Up the Sun”
Barbara Raymond, “The Baby Thief”


Saturday, April 25
10:15 a.m. in Book Room
Sherri Eldridge, “Forever Fingerprints”
Kate Vogel, “Lost and Found: A Memoir of Mothers”

2:45 p.m. in Book Room
B.J Lifton, “Lost & Found: 3rd edition”

4:45 p.m. in Edison II
Nancy Verrier, “Coming Home to Self”

4:45 p.m. in Book Room
Penny Partridge, “The People They Brought Me: Poems for the Adoption Community”
Jean Strauss, “Beneath a Tall Tree”

Please join us to meet these fantastic authors!

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How would you describe your experience at the conference so far?

Former foster child Wanda Dower of Hinckley, OH
"It's amazing to be with people who share your story; who understand, from the heart, what you feel. You cry, but you're happy when you're crying, because you're not alone. It sounds weird, but it's a celebration."

Adoptive parent Paulette Black of Norman, OK--1st-time attendee

"What a rich experience with very moving and important content. All the presenters are so knowledgable--they've lived the expertise they're sharing, whether as a member of the triad or within the professional world. Everything I've seen and heard has really resonated with my own experiences, especially dealing with culture and race issues. They've been spot on."

Adoptee Jeff Feurer of Sherman, Ill.,--a 1st-time attendee here with his birthmom and wife


"I'm the only person I know who's adopted. My friends and coworkers are all blown away by my story, but no one understands. I'm looking forward to sharing my story and learning from others. I think it will be a real growing and healing experience for me, my wife and birthmom. I'm excited to be here."



Adoptee Kathryn Shelley of Midland, TX, founder of Adoption Knowledge Affiliates, Inc.

"It always grounds me to participate in such a core experience that the general public knows so little about. Being here is like connecting with your tribe. I also love to reunite with people who've made such a difference in my life."






Social worker Jennifer Bulyaki of Guelph, ON, Canada

"I can describe the conference in two words: powerful and informative. It's been incredible"

Inside Out

Today's Inside Out expressive arts workshop was both a fun and moving experience for the 20 attendees. I began the session with some body movement to get loosened up and become aware of how and where we store emotions in the body. I also shared a couple stories about my experiences getting in touch with pre-verbal memories and emotions. Then we had some fun cutting and pasting. Attendees could do one or both of the following: 1) create a collage from magazine images and words or drawing that reflects what's going on right now or what one would like to create in the future; 2) create a greeting card in the same fashion to someone in one's adoption story. This is a card one could send or wish one could send to someone known, unknown, alive, or passed on.

I was amazed how quickly everyone immersed themselves into the creative process. Scissors and glue got lots of use for about 30 minutes and then many people got up and shared what their collages were about. I invited folks who created greeting cards to do the same and if they wished to pick someone to read the card to. This resulted in many emotional, poignant moments of shared joy, loss, and longing.

Everyone seemed to enjoy the opportunity to get creative and a little inside out.

 

Captivating keynotes

It’s getting crowded as more people show up. In fact, it was standing room-only this afternoon as Joe Eszterhas (screenwriter for Basic Instinct, Showgirls, Flashdance, etc.) and his biological daughter Suzanne Perryman told their “Mutual Blessing” reunion story. Much of the comments in the Q&A portion focused on the “forgotten” birthparent—the birthfather—with many attendees remarking on their gratefulness to Joe for giving a public voice and face to birthfathers. Would love to get more reactions to this presentation in the Comments section here.

This morning’s keynote, attorney and professor Dorothy Roberts, gave a moving and compelling address on “Why Ending Racial Disproportionality Will Transform Child Welfare.” While the title may be a mouthful, the message was simple: A lack of desperately needed (and wanted!) social services has led to an overwhelmingly large number of African-American children to be taken out of their homes and put into the foster care system. Attendees were obviously moved by the findings, nodding and shaking their heads. Roberts herself was moved to tears at one point, having to stop and take some breaths to continue: “Why do we allow so many black children to be taken away from their mothers and families?” she implored. I think few missed the significance of the silence that followed her question.

The idea that poor families are treated differently—that racial, gender and class inequalities all come into play with this issue—is one that no person who believes in justice can ignore. Those interested in learning more about Roberts and racial disproportionality can click here for an overview, or here to see her book on the subject, “Shattered Bonds.” A blog posting like this doesn’t do her talk, or the topic, the justice it deserves!

Pictures of Wednesday

Picture one is AAC & ANC at Registration. The second picture is getting Penny Partridge's table ready in the book room. The last is of ANC volunteers.

Off to a great start …

It’s 9:39 p.m., and Cleveland is dark. But it was a sunny, welcoming day here—especially at the Hilton Garden Inn, where our 30th annual conference is under way! The hotel is located right across the street from the Cleveland Indians’ Progressive Field, where the Indians tonight are playing the Kansas City Royals. The crack of the bat is muffled by the stadium’s towering walls, but the spotlights spill out onto the street that links the field and hotel, Carnegie Avenue.

Inside the hotel at the conference, much of today was focused on hellos. …. Making new friends and becoming reacquainted with familiar faces.

After lots of last-minute arranging the Book Room opened, where the offerings include many nonfiction titles difficult to find at popular brick-and-mortar and online book stores. Among the items causing a lot of excitement: CDs of the new song written and recorded by adoptees and musicians Zara Phillips and Darryl McDaniels. The two hope the song, called “I’m Legit,” will be used by adoption reform advocates to help advance the cause for open original birth certificates in states nationwide.

I’m in my room writing this posting. Like others, I’m feeling pretty wiped out from a long day of traveling. But there are lots of people still out and about in the hotel, some enjoying the last few minutes of the Opening Night Reception in the hotel ballroom; others having drinks in the bar or chatting in the comfy arm chairs off the lobby. All, however, seem extremely excited about the great day of workshops and programs ahead tomorrow, which include professor Dr. Dorothy Roberts giving the opening keynote. Her topic: “Why Ending Racial Disproportionality Will Transfer Child Welfare.”

Thursday afternoon will feature Joe Eszterhas and his biological daughter Suzanne Perryman discussing, from their different points of view, their reunion after 30 years and path to a loving relationship. …. Lots of excitement and anticipation for that!

We are hopeful that over the next several days, many people—both those here in Cleveland and those at home—tune into this blog to share their thoughts, feelings and ideas. Spread the word!

Welcome to Cleveland!

After so many months of planning, it is just about conference time! The AAC Board of Directors have been meeting the past few days for our board annual meeting. We have spent a couple of days moving supplies and boxes from around Cleveland to the Hilton Garden Inn. We are so excited to have 317 attendees registered! Spring will be arriving later this week, with temps near 70 and even in the mid-70's on the weekend.

Please let your friends know they can follow the conference on our blog starting tomorrow. To those of you traveling to Cleveland, hope you have a safe journey!

Eileen McQuade
President
American Adoption Congress